We’ve all experienced heartbreak. Be it from a failed romantic relationship, a horrible end to a football game, or worse discovering you bought an unripe avocado!
Heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, lying on your back and feeling your cheeks get wet with tears. Tears you have no intention of wiping away. Instead, you dive headfirst into the deep dark waters of self-pity. Hoping to escape from the throbbing relentless ache in your chest that seems to never go away. Drowning…gasping for air then drowning right back.
Eventually, after several pleas for divine intervention, heavens swoop to numb the pain, lulling you to sleep. A welcome relief from the ugly, heavy stench of betrayal. Heartbreak is devastating.
I found out the way everyone seems to find out these days. An electronic slip-up. Often it’s a text or that phone call that always seems to go unanswered. In my case, it was WhatsApp messages.
I’ll admit that I’m a snoop, not entirely sure whether it’s a good or bad trait but it is what it is LOL. Found out I’m the type to wait patiently for one to fall asleep then BOOM!! begin the deep dive.
Have you ever tried lifting a fingerprint off a human? You guys, It’s no easy fit- albeit exhilarating. It’s an extreme sport that has to be handled with utmost caution because one wrong move and the human awakes! You don’t want that, you never want that.
My ex-human was a heavy sleeper, the sort of person to sleep through anything! Even a hurricane, if we had those in Kenya. Regardless my hands couldn’t stop shaking. I was legit afraid of what I’d find out.
Guys, I was tripping. In the 4 years we’d been together. I had never invaded human’s privacy like this before but something just didn’t feel right. Does it ever though? Anyway, so there I am weirdly hovering over this being. Pacing back and forth heavily debating whether to go through the messages.
Shortly after an intense internal committee meeting. We decided we just had to know…you know? The proof is in the Mutura. As I carefully placed his index finger squarely on the touchpad. My conscious intervened once more…
“are we seriously doing this Ciru?” Ha! See your life!But woman’s intuition wouldn’t let me back out. She burst out like…
“Naaah girl, we ain’t doing that! You better finish what you started!”
She sounded awfully mad plus I could feel her staring me down, her eyes burning into my skin.
So we did, finish what we started. Sadly once the pandoras box is open there’s really no going back to how things were. You see your human in a whole different light. A proper dim, broken, disappointing light.
I won’t lie, it took a hot painful second to get over this entire situation and my foolish self did go back a couple of times. I know, clownery at it’s best. LOL
Thing is long term relationships are very hard to break away from, you almost feel as if you’re tied to an individual. They belong to you and no one else. You think about the curtains you picked out, the ones you took days to decide on, cause in another life you’re an interior designer and everything has to seamlessly blend in. Now probably being drawn by the new shiny WhatsApp girl.
Lingering questions like what life will look like without them fill your mind. Will you/ can you be strong enough to walk away with your broken parts and never look back?
Choosing to leave is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever have to make, but will be the best. You could be hanging on to a relationship and blocking your billionaire bae from finding you. Regardless of whether or not he’ll make sure the septic tank isn’t easily accessible.
Anyway, I’m no relationship guru, but I do know about travel and how it can heal just about anything. Being immersed in nature provides a new perspective on any situation. The beauty, calm and solitude heals and mends.
My trip to Kikuyu Town reminded me of how much joy, sense of pride and achievement can be derived from being outdoors and living life. And so I came up with this few suggestions just for you.
Read: Places to visit outside Nairobi
- Snooping is wrong and an invasion of someone’s privacy and always a bad idea.
- Trust your instincts
- Also, if you’re going through a break up I suggest you read this insightful books: Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus
- Most importantly remember that everything happens for a reason. You’ll be okay.