Heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, lying on your back and feeling your cheeks get wet with tears. Tears you have no intention of wiping away.
Instead, you dive headfirst into the deep dark waters of self-pity. Hoping to escape from the throbbing relentless ache in your chest that seems to never go away. Drowning…gasping for air then drowning right back.
Eventually, the heavens step in, lulling you to sleep. A welcome relief from the ugly, heavy stench of betrayal. Heartbreak is devastating.
I found out
the way everyone seems to find out these days. An electronic slip. Often times it’s a text or that phone call that always goes unanswered. In my case, it was WhatsApp messages.
I’m a snoop, the type that waits patiently for one to fall asleep and boom the deep dive begins. Have you ever tried lifting a fingerprint off a human? You guys, It’s no easy fit- albeit exhilarating. It’s an extreme sport that has to be handled with utmost caution because one wrong move and the human awakes!- You don’t want that.
My ex-human was a heavy sleeper, the type that could sleep through anything! Even a hurricane, if we had those. Regardless my hands couldn’t stop shaking.
Guys, I was tripping, I had never invaded humans privacy like this before but something just didn’t feel right. So shortly after the internally intense committee meeting. We decided we just had to know…you know? The proof is in the Mutura.
As I carefully placed his index finger squarely on the touchpad. My conscious intervened once more…
“are we seriously doing this Ciru?” Ha! See your life!
But woman’s intuition wouldn’t let me back out. She burst out like…
“Naaah girl, we ain’t doing that! You better finish what you started!”
She sounded awfully mad plus I could feel her staring me down, her eyes burning into my skin.
So we did…
finish what we started and for the first time I followed directions, did exactly what my Swahili highschool teacher always asked of me.
“Pa-ti-RI-shhia” She’d often yell. “Wa-cha Ku-la-la!” Swahili was not my strongest subject.
Long Term relationships are very hard to break away from, you almost feel as if you’re tied to an individual. They belong to you and no one else. You think about the curtains you picked out, the ones you took days to decide on, cause in another life you’re an interior designer and everything has to seemlessly blend in. Now probably being drawn by the new shiny WhatsApp girl.
Lingering questions like what life will look like without them fill your mind. Will you/ can you be strong enough to walk away with your broken parts and never look back?
Choosing to leave is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever have to make, but will be the best.
You could be hanging on to a relationship and blocking your billionaire bae from finding you. Regardless of whether or not he’ll make sure the septic tank isn’t easily accessible.
Anyway I’m no relationship guru, but I do know about travel and how it can heal just about anything.
Being immersed in nature provides a new perspective on any situation. The beauty, calm and solitude heals and mends. My recent trip to Kikuyu Town reminded me of how much joy, sense of pride and achievement can be derived from being outdoors and living life.
And so I came up with this few suggestions just for you.
Read: Places to visit outside Nairobi
I’m at a good place now, I’m not sad. Ex human and I had a good run. He was a really good guy despite his tree planting missions.
I’m a lover of life and a firm believer of raha jipe mwenyewe. Life’s too short to do anything else but live and love. You know? Plus Who knows? my billionaire bae could be around the corner! Ha! Can I hear an AMEN