How Not To Date A Psycho: Fiance Story Time

The wildest thing happened to me towards the end of the year 2020. Someone’s son decided to propose to me with an old oversized red ring he’d previously bought for someone else. I later found out her name was Wanjiru as well.

For anonymity purpose let’s call this our fiance man “bunny” shall we?

Bunny was unlike anyone I’ve ever dated. He was extremely thoughtful, kind and sweet. A tall, handsome, light-skin guy I met on Instagram. Although, I do prefer a dark skin man any day, and the more unattractive he is, the better. So bunny was the complete opposite.

I remember his grand gestures that were movie-ishy and cringe-y like standing outside the car door with an umbrella to shield me from a light drizzle, sending flowers with no food, He’d often offer to drive from one side of Nairobi all the way to the complete opposite side to pick me up from work then start another journey to drop me off at home. For those home drop off trips he’d always come with snacks cause I love a good snack and I lived pretty far away.

To this day I can’t categorically say what his job description was as he had a lot of time on his hands and would nearly beg to spend all of his time with me.

Psycho Red Flags Not To Ignore

  • They Rush The Relationship
  • Pity Plays
  • Love Bombing
  • You’re Oddly So Similar
  • They Have No Friends
  • Triangulation

I wonder who was the real psycho between us though: me for accepting a marriage proposal after 6 weeks of dating or him for asking? Lol

In my defence I was newly single, hangovered from a night out when he proposed.

It was initially meant to be a promise ring. His “charming” self knew that I’d just left a 4 year relationship, heartbroken. So this promise ring was to show his dedication and commitment to our then 6-week-old relationship.

Then, while in the moment he was filled with emotion and decided to pop the big question.

Will you marry me?” He asked.

Having recently been thrown back into the dating pool. Here I was, being asked that coveted question in most loving, long term relationships and I knew the only answer (as per all the romantic movies I’ve watched) was a big YES .preceeded by a shocked expression, loads of tears, hands on the face and eventually posing for the fire instagram pictures with his face blurred. I gave a skeptical yes even though I felt the relationship wasn’t grounded since we had’nt dated for long

Truth be told I was also in awe but mostly shocked, curious, and confused. There was a gut feeling that something was off but curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to see how things would unfold. I had never accepted a proposal before and truly had no idea what it meant.

We were polar opposites. I loved my sherehe while he had something against drinking and buying alcohol. I remember he once insisted on accompanying me to a intimate wine event where my cousin noticed something strange.

On his watch face was a downloaded picture of me but that’s not the crazy part. This fiancé of ours had set a 5-minute timer on his watch. Each time it went off he’d religiously leave where we’d been seated and come to check where I was & who I was talking to at any given time during that gathering.

A South Sudanese friend of mine, noticed him watching me from a distance and hovering around and out of concern pulled me aside to ask what was going on.

To be honest, despite everyone’s concern about his behaviour I was oddly unaffected. Infact I lowkey liked the attention. Knowing he was protecting me from a distance. The fact that this person seemed to be deeply interested in me after the emotional break up rollercoaster I had been on, was oddly satisfying.

Let’s get back to the story, shall we?

Three days had past and I hadn’t told a soul about the engagement. Mostly because I wasn’t sure what I’d gotten myself into this time around with my ” go with the flow, let’s see how this goes” approach to relationships. 

Lemme paint this picture better, so you can understand how overwhelming all this was. So he proposed on a Sunday, I told one family member on Wednesday after he called and made me feel guilty about not telling a soul. By Friday the same week my next 5 months had already been pre-planned including every weekend and my life was turned upside down.

I met his mum, a sweet human, and sister. Then every weekend after that had been planned out in advance for me. I was to meet his pastor (mind you, i couldn’t even remember the last time I went to church willingly except during a funeral)

Then meet his grandparents, started looking for pre-marital classes,was to plan an engagement party, then have the ruracio in the next 2 months. The traditional wedding was to be followed by a white wedding 3 months later; Just in time for us to move into an off plan apartment unit he had bought. The home would be fully completed and ready for occupancy within 5 months.

At this point I was like a deer in headlights: completely overwhelmed, feeling trapped and pressured. I just wanted everything to stop. The handful of family members I told had mixed feelings. Some were happy and encouraged me to finally “settle down” Apparently, it was high time I leave my sherehe ways behind for this man who ” loved me immensely ” You know the saying that goes get with a guy who adores you, he’ll always treat you right?

I was livid mostly because my impulsive decision was now involving family and slight pressure was being put on me to act accordingly. Though my gut feeling that something wasn’t right kept saying to RUN!

Ideally I’d thought we’d slowly get to know each over around 2 years. Since there wasn’t any rush, I wasn’t carrying any pregnancy, there was nothing to prove.

I assumed we both knew as much as it was an engagement. It didn’t automatically make me and him know each other any better or faster. I was wrong. Somehow he now had heightened expectations of how I should treat him and behave. As an engaged human I was to spend all my time with him, be the proverbial proverbs 31 woman and not partake in sherehe.

Just in case you were wondering. No, I never wore the recycled Wanjiru ring or the new one he bought a week later.

It gets weirder…

lol I’m just realising how much happened in such a short time. So he insists on meeting a family member and quickly set up a lunch date that happened the next day (Thursday) and charms his way with talk of us being soul mates and how we are super similar.

I often wondered about his personality because he’d mirror everything I said or did. I like reading, suddenly my favourite book is also his favourite but he can’t mentioned anything about the book, absolutely nothing. Constant lies here and there that were purely unnecessary.

He then gets some other family members numbers and starts calling and texting them without my consent. Worse thing was showing up uninvited to someone’s home.

Shortly after the lunch date that I purposely didn’t attend, I felt the need to talk to him and explain how everything was moving too fast for me. Then another weird incident happened and I couldn’t take anymore weirdness and decided to run.

Broke up with him and all hell broke lose.

I got called by his mechanic, i received hateful messages. I kid you not, I once had 50 plus back to back texts messages from him that were intended to guilt trip me. When that didn’t work. He mentioned having not the best thoughts and that’s where I really got scared for his well-being being and safety and reached out to his sister for help.

I’ve never experienced such a whirlwind situation like that in such a short period of time. All this happened two weeks after the said engagement.

disclaimer: I think we all have a little crazy in us.

I ‘m a the ultimate weirdo myself for letting this happen. I’m somewhat crazy and I attract my kind. 🤪 so it is what it is 😄

What’s your dating experience been like? Have you dated someone like this before? Lemme know in the comment section.

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wanjirunjenga

I'm a bubbly free-spirit who loves all things nature, food and travel!

I believe that life is a journey - as clichè as it might sound ...and i don't take it too seriously.
My goal is to live my best life, by being brave and doing what truly makes me happy.
So join me as i do stuff lol!

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26 Comments

  1. Write a book about men and relationships lol 😅

    1. Lol Litu, not a bad a idea btw 😊

  2. Jamaniii😭i wonder what it was like but its lowkey giving 365 days on a good day likee having someone that obsessed with you..if it were me id enjoy but the marying part wasss a bitt tooo pushed…

    1. I know have to watch 365 days on this note 😄

  3. Haha Wanjiru !!! Your life is a whole movie 😅 can’t stop laughing 😂

  4. Wanjiru!!!!!! All time favourite!

  5. This was one wild ride..
    I’m happy you left..
    Sijui pia mimi niandike yangu 😂😂

    1. Lol! Andika…whenever you’re ready 😄

  6. Waar!! You would have been in one hell of a marriage dear. You dodged a bullet…and definitely made the right call dumping his ass.
    Also…
    You are an excellent writer, eloquent and engaging! Keep it up! 👏🏾👏🏾

    1. Thanks Tony, I’m glad you enjoyed the read 😊

  7. Such a fantastic read. Keep on writing such good narrations we might get a Netflix show.

    1. 😂😂😂 thanks for the kind words

  8. Such a nice read,Totally enjoyed it😁

  9. This is funny and scary at the same time , I’m glad you emerged safer on the other side

  10. Am shocked beyond words ….kumbe people are wierd out here 🥺😱😱😱

  11. Don’t remind me that was too much

  12. This got me laughing at you 😃😆😄, but honestly pole 😆😄. That dude wanted to goat wife you. I’m sure there are other characteristics you’ve not mentioned, like him making you feel guilt and blaming you for things he is responsible. Such guys do not deserve a modern and informed woman like you.

  13. First time reading this blog😂😂what a story.

  14. “An old oversized ring he previously bought for someone else” Hilarious😂😂

  15. How dare he send “flowers without food”!?

  16. Good job, great read, very authentic and wise of you to runnn!!! 👏🏾👏🏾

  17. 50+ plus messages .. your response should have been simply “ukiwachwa, achika” lol what a psycho 😅

  18. This was a very nice read😂
    I totally enjoyed it.
    Looking forward to more of your articles on various topics.

  19. My baby sister made the right decision to stop everything.better a broken engagement than a broken marriage.ur too pretty to be humiliated

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